Dick Rockenbach contacted me via email about this, then he posted it on Facebook:

This made me start wondering about codependency and the church’s relationship with clergy members. Here’s the definition of codependency from Way 2 Hope, an organization that helps those in codependent relationships:

Codependency is a condition that results in a dysfunctional relationship between the codependent and other people. A codependent is addicted to helping someone. They need to be needed. This addiction is sometimes so strong, the codependent will cause the other person to continue to be needy. This behavior is called enabling. The enabler will purposefully overlook someone abusing a child, will call in sick for someone suffering from addiction, will put roadblocks to prevent their child from becoming independent, or even keep a sick family member from getting the treatment that would make them well. These are behaviors common to codependents. A codependent often suffers from a ‘Messiah Complex’ where he sees problems with everyone and sees himself as the only person who can help. Here is where I need to work…trying to be ‘Mr. Fixit’ for everyone…even those who don’t feel they need anything fixed. A codependent counselor (common) will never think your sessions are done. In fact, they often create issues that weren’t there just so they can continue to feel they’re an important, no, essential part of your life. This is one of the reasons I always spend the first counseling session evaluating the problem and setting up a schedule of sessions to complete the work. If we’re not making progress, I don’t want to become the person you feel you have to take every problem to…it’s too addictive to me. That’s what codependence is…an addiction to being needed.

So how did this codependency develop? Clearly it is because of clergy-members’ addiction to being needed. This addiction is easy for any of us to fall into, but especially for those who are in positions where people come to them for help. But this doesn’t let the so-called “lay people” off the hook, either. They enable the clergy by continuing to look to them as having the answers to all of life’s problems. Thus the clergy maintain codependency among the “laity” by being all too eager to give an answer to any question, even when the answer is not or cannot be known, and the “laity” enable the clergy by remaining ignorant and relying on them for spiritual growth.

This has birthed not a few generations of biblically illiterate believers, returning us to the sacerdotalism that Martin Luther and the Reformers fought so hard to eradicate. Thanks to Sunday School (which, at its inception, was heavily opposed on grounds that it would destroy the father’s role as the spiritual head of his family), we now have codependency between humans rather than independence from man and dependence only upon Christ.

But it is not only clergy and laity who do this. This also happens among many other informal relationships, where those who are recognized as leaders become codependent with their followers/disciples, and home-based fellowships become cult-like in their codependency. Neither institutional nor organic ministry models are exempt.

But simply identifying the problem doesn’t help. What can be done to change this? The first important thing to understand is that codependency is possible for anyone because of mankind’s propensity towards sin, particularly pride and idolatry. Second, we must realize that we have a loving God who is able to set us free from codependent relationships and direct us toward Himself. Third, we must break the cycle. This means that leaders must be willing to admit when they don’t know the answers, and be willing to refer people to other sources for help and knowledge, teaching disciples to feed themselves, not just to wait for the leader’s spoon. Followers must stop enabling the leaders and begin seeking answers and help from other sources, most specifically from Christ Himself via His Word.

By the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit will enable us in a positive way to break free from the spiritually dangerous cycle of codependency, moving on towards maturity and freedom in Christ.

I’ve promised to post more of my questions causing me cognitive dissonance here for you to answer. Here goes. In the past I’ve written about what I believe to be the false dichotomy of clergy vs. laity. I feel that the clergy/laity dichotomy perpetuates an awful falsehood-namely, that some Christians are more privileged than others to serve the Lord. The contemporary practice of ordination creates a special caste of Christian. Whether it be the priest in Catholicism or the pastor in Protestantism, the result is the same: the most important ministry is restricted to a few “special” believers. When we make the pastor a professional clergyman who is distinct from laity we begin to view ministry as something that is only his responsibility. One person is not meant to sport all of these hats. Only an every-member functioning Body can accomplish the ministry that is required to be done. It shouldn’t be “lonely at the top,” because we aren’t meant to live in a separate caste from one another. The teacher is just as vital to the Body as the cashier and the pastor. How does Protestantism reject the Catholic priesthood while maintaining its own pastoral office, all the while affirming the priesthood of all believers (1 Pet. 2:9, Rev. 1:6, 5:10)?

A popular notion today is that there is a clear dichotomy, or distinction, between sacred and secular. Such distinctions are commonly made by Christians in the areas of music and vocations. In music, for example, we have secular, or “worldly” music. And then we have Christian music, which is often regarded as being sacred (even though most “Christian” songs are just as secular as “worldly” songs).

But the area I’d most like to focus on is that of vocation, the employment positions we hold. For some reason we continue to foster this sacred/secular distinction for jobs: some people are called into ministry, and the rest of us hold secular jobs. But that’s not what the Bible teaches. All believers are called into full time ministry! It is not something reserved for a clerical professional – we are all called to be full time ministers in God’s present kingdom! Everyday life is sanctified by God, we have a whole life embracing, fully comprehensive Gospel for the transformation of all things. This affects every aspect of our lives.

Far too many today espouse the idea that ministry is an institution that is reserved only for the few who are “called” and “ordained.” The problem is, this (in practice) denies the priesthood of all believers. Ordination was fashioned in the fourth century after the Roman rituals of the appointment of public officials to office, and the church adopted this when the lines between church and state were blurred under Constantine’s rule. This distinction between clergy and laity still exists to this day.

Don’t believe me? Why do many traditional pastors still dress differently than us “normal lay people”? Point stated. To quote Frank Viola in his book Pagan Christianity?: Exploring the Roots of Our Church Practices:

The contemporary practice of ordination creates a special caste of Christian. Whether it be the priest in Catholicism or the pastor in Protestantism, the result is the same: The most important ministry is restricted to a few “special” believers. . . .

Tremendous psychological factors make laypeople feel that ministry is the responsibility of the pastor. It’s his job. He’s the expert is often their thinking. . . .

The clergy/laity dichotomy perpetuates an awful falsehood-namely, that some Christians are more privileged than others to serve the Lord.

Hmm, I think this is a problem. But don’t take my word for it, think for yourselves. I’m not calling for an abolition of hierarchical leadership in the church like Viola and Barna, but I do think a lot needs to change in the way we do church and recognize leaders.

The pastoral office is really not something God envisioned, not in the way we utilize it today anyways. George Barna did a study on pastors, and some of what he found was eye-opening. Did you know these startling statistics about pastors:

• 94% feel pressured to have an ideal family
• 81% say they have insufficient time with their spouses
• 80% believe that pastoral ministry affects their family negatively
• 70% do not have someone they consider a close friend
• 70% have lower self-esteem than when they entered the ministry
• 50% feel unable to meet the demands of the job
• 80% are discouraged or deal with depression
• 40% of pastoral resignations are due to burnout
• 1,400 ministers in all denominations across the United States are fired or forced to resign each month
• The average length of a pastorate has declined from seven years to just over four years

Do you still think this is of God. I know there are exceptions to all of this, some congregations are very understanding and whatnot, but a majority of pastors are asked to essentially conduct all of the local ministry of the church (or have their hand in it). Many pastors crumble under this pressure — and that’s because it wasn’t designed to work this way!

When we make the pastor a professional clergyman who is distinct from laity we begin to view ministry as something that is only his (or her) responsibility. One person is not meant to sport all of these hats! They just can’t! Only an every-member functioning Body can accomplish the ministry that is required to be done. It shouldn’t be “lonely at the top,” because we aren’t meant to live in a separate caste from one another! Remember what Paul said about the different parts of the Body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12). Too many pastors are trying to be the head (which is reserved for Christ), or they are performing all the other parts’ functions since they are not doing it.

Now pastors may say, “we have to do this because the congregation won’t ’step up to the plate’ and do what they demand from us.” May I contend that in order to get them to ’step up to the plate’ you must foundationally change the very way we do church! The current structure clearly doesn’t work. It has failed to produce anything but a passive laity who is utterly dependent on one man, their pastor, for the past 500 hundred years. I think some revolutionary change is in order. That change is Christianity 2.0.

There is no such thing as a “secular job.” I am called into the mission field and minister to my coworkers and those brought into my path. This is no less “sacred” than any pastor’s job. The Gospel is meant to transform our entire lives, not just our Sunday morning experience.