Dick Rockenbach contacted me via email about this, then he posted it on Facebook:

This made me start wondering about codependency and the church’s relationship with clergy members. Here’s the definition of codependency from Way 2 Hope, an organization that helps those in codependent relationships:

Codependency is a condition that results in a dysfunctional relationship between the codependent and other people. A codependent is addicted to helping someone. They need to be needed. This addiction is sometimes so strong, the codependent will cause the other person to continue to be needy. This behavior is called enabling. The enabler will purposefully overlook someone abusing a child, will call in sick for someone suffering from addiction, will put roadblocks to prevent their child from becoming independent, or even keep a sick family member from getting the treatment that would make them well. These are behaviors common to codependents. A codependent often suffers from a ‘Messiah Complex’ where he sees problems with everyone and sees himself as the only person who can help. Here is where I need to work…trying to be ‘Mr. Fixit’ for everyone…even those who don’t feel they need anything fixed. A codependent counselor (common) will never think your sessions are done. In fact, they often create issues that weren’t there just so they can continue to feel they’re an important, no, essential part of your life. This is one of the reasons I always spend the first counseling session evaluating the problem and setting up a schedule of sessions to complete the work. If we’re not making progress, I don’t want to become the person you feel you have to take every problem to…it’s too addictive to me. That’s what codependence is…an addiction to being needed.

So how did this codependency develop? Clearly it is because of clergy-members’ addiction to being needed. This addiction is easy for any of us to fall into, but especially for those who are in positions where people come to them for help. But this doesn’t let the so-called “lay people” off the hook, either. They enable the clergy by continuing to look to them as having the answers to all of life’s problems. Thus the clergy maintain codependency among the “laity” by being all too eager to give an answer to any question, even when the answer is not or cannot be known, and the “laity” enable the clergy by remaining ignorant and relying on them for spiritual growth.

This has birthed not a few generations of biblically illiterate believers, returning us to the sacerdotalism that Martin Luther and the Reformers fought so hard to eradicate. Thanks to Sunday School (which, at its inception, was heavily opposed on grounds that it would destroy the father’s role as the spiritual head of his family), we now have codependency between humans rather than independence from man and dependence only upon Christ.

But it is not only clergy and laity who do this. This also happens among many other informal relationships, where those who are recognized as leaders become codependent with their followers/disciples, and home-based fellowships become cult-like in their codependency. Neither institutional nor organic ministry models are exempt.

But simply identifying the problem doesn’t help. What can be done to change this? The first important thing to understand is that codependency is possible for anyone because of mankind’s propensity towards sin, particularly pride and idolatry. Second, we must realize that we have a loving God who is able to set us free from codependent relationships and direct us toward Himself. Third, we must break the cycle. This means that leaders must be willing to admit when they don’t know the answers, and be willing to refer people to other sources for help and knowledge, teaching disciples to feed themselves, not just to wait for the leader’s spoon. Followers must stop enabling the leaders and begin seeking answers and help from other sources, most specifically from Christ Himself via His Word.

By the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit will enable us in a positive way to break free from the spiritually dangerous cycle of codependency, moving on towards maturity and freedom in Christ.

Related posts:

1. It's not a religion, it's a relationship…
2. Separation of Clergy and Laity?
3. Church CEO’s